The seeking for one’s identity is an everlasting topic in human existence. Through these paintings, I explore theories of self-identity from different perspectives. I question what constitutes oneself: the physical body? Experiences? Memories? Social expectations? The Lacanian theory proposes that one find their own identity by seeing others and thus identifying what they are not. It also argues that humans are molded by the culture around them and they find their meanings by fulfilling societal expectations. In my paintings, I search for the fragments that made me “me” and try to piece together a somewhat complete self-image while knowing it’s an impossible task. However, in the process of creating these artworks, my subconscious surfaced through these paintings and made the theme of this series clearer in an unexpected way. While I was searching for my self-image by depicting the definitions and labels of women (East Asian, Chinese-American women in particular) that society has forced upon me, I realized that a consistent theme in these paintings is my anger and rebellion towards them. The famous Descartes quote, “I think therefore I am”, is a description of the process of the human mind’s constant rebellion and constant questioning of the displayed “reality”; and from this process, we can confirm our existence. Following that logic, my anger and my rebellion against these labels are what make me me. 

Hence, in the later paintings in this series, I turned inwards and focused more on my own experience instead of the external labels put on me. I explored my inner anger and self-awareness. This series of paintings not only has the theme of self-exploration but also embodies the process of such exploration in its making.